Note: this article is meant to be humoristic and not at all offensive. I do know that difference is what makes the beauty of the world and I am happy I was able to experience (and adapt to) what makes the US such a unique country.
Just like any other girl in the world, I like taking care of myself. I like knowing that the external image that I project to people reflects my inner personality. So, just like any other girl in the world, I regularly and closely monitor my weight. Therefore, yesterday, as I was getting ready to take a shower, I noticed a new item in the bathroom, something that my roommate had bought without realizing that she was bringing me both my best friend and my worst enemy: a bathroom scale. Both excited and worried, I stood on it hoping that the previous month that I spent in the US would have magically helped me lose some weight. Instead, horror! The scale was displaying a three numbers’ weight! I knew I couldn’t possibly be 150 kilograms. So, I decided to do my own little investigation on the web. This is how I discovered that everything about the United States is different. This is when I realized that there is a secret clash between the US’ and the rest of the world’s standards.
The whole world uses the gram and the kilogram as a measure of weight. Well, the US decided that it was too common and would rather use the ounce and the pound. And while the rest of the world considers the kilogram to be 1000 grams, the United States finds it easier to use the pound which is 16 ounces. The logic is different but I figured “Hey, who am I to judge”? I decided that it wasn’t such a bad thing after all. I would just have to adapt for the four months remaining in here. I was particularly happy though to realize that 150 pounds meant that I lost a couple kilograms. However, surprises kept coming at me from everywhere. I found out that US people don’t do meters and kilometers, they prefer to use inches, feet and miles. And while once again the number 1000 is the magical number to convert from meters to kilometers, the American calculations are a little bit more elaborate. 1 foot actually equals 12 inches, 1 yard equals 3 feet and 1 mile equals 1760 yards. Why? Can somebody please explain to me how people can come up with such complicated calculations instead of simply being like the rest of the world? Don’t you people like the number 1000?
Anyway, just when I thought that my nightmare was over, I realized I actually had to change my conception of temperature too if I wanted to survive in the United States. I am literally freezing here when it is 30 while I am almost burning in Morocco. So, what is the difference now? Well, I found out (without any surprise anymore) that while the rest of the world uses Celsius degrees, the Americans thought that using Fahrenheit would be better. But the problem here is that I don’t simply need to adapt, I actually need to change every single concept that I’ve learned in physics. My whole childhood now is upside down. I’ve been taught throughout my whole life that water freezes at 0 degrees and evaporates at 100. Well now, I have to somehow put in my head that water freezes at 32 degrees and evaporates at 212. What is that? Why? Where is the logic? Show me the logic. I need the logic! I want my zero and ones! Give me my zeros and ones!
In addition, as if this was not enough to turn a sane person into a completely crazy one, I had to adapt to another thing, something that makes absolutely no sense wherever you go in the world except in the United States. Why do you people write the date starting by the month? DD/MM/YYYY! That is how it works. This is how I do it, how the rest of the world does it, but Americans simply don’t do it! What is wrong with having the same norms and standards everywhere we go? It’s hard enough we have to adapt with a different culture wherever we go in the world let alone changing our whole mathematical, physical and logical concepts. I’m going crazy here!
Fortunately, today, I was supposed to watch a normal American football match. I knew it was a national event here because everybody would watch it regardless of the age or the gender. So, this would be my dose of “normal stuff”. I start watching the game and… wait what? They are wearing helmets? They are using their hands? What is that? This is NOT football! Football is by definition about using your FEET not your hands! Where on GOD’s earth is the logic here? The worst part is discovering that what the rest of the world calls football is called here “soccer”. It’s enough Americans don’t want to be like the rest of the world, but don’t you people dare change the name of my country’s national sport! You guys are a hopeless case…